I've written this book about my journey for the lonely people and those burdened with sorrows, sadness, and pain. It is my devout wish that this book may offer them a healing. - Kiril Sokoloff
Your book is remarkable, and for at least this reader it caused quite a personal guilt trip. My sister-in-law Lisa has been deaf since childhood, and she just had the cochlear transplant 16 months ago. For about the last 35 years, I have almost dreaded her visits. Beautiful woman, dynamite children, but what a bother to have to speak distinctly while she watched, and having to leave the lights turned up, and all those irritating captions on the TV.
Seeing your world from the other side of the veil was a revelation for me, as I am sure that it will be for every "sounded" person (is that a new adjective?) who reads it.
From seeing 13d at Bruce's house, I know that you love quotes, and your book reminded me of what someone, I do not remember who, said about Edward VIII -- that he was 'at his best only when the going was easy. ' To do what you did, under your circumstances, when the going was anything but easy, is an inspiration in a time when there are very few inspirations around.
You should be very proud of yourself.
Warm regards,
Bob Johnson
This story of one man's personal transformation has transformed the lives of countless people from all walks of life.
The Dalai Lama introduces this story of an executive who, after rising to the top of his profession as a world-class investment consultant, begins a decline into near-total deafness. Kiril Sokoloff recounts his deafness, his struggle to accept the limitations it placed on his active life, and his ultimate discovery of a deeper peace. His compassion for himself and others, and his refreshingly candid style, make this book a transformative experience for every reader. Click here to read more Testimonials
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This book will transform your life!
EXCERPT FROM PERSONAL TRANSFORMATION
By Kiril Sokoloff
The hearing-impaired usually try to hide their hearing aids and their deafness.
There is a reason for this, which may be the most grossly misunderstood part of the life of late-deafened adults.
Deaf and dumb. The saddest discovery a late-deafened adult makes is that many people still believe it’s true. Dumb, of course, in this truism means mute, not stupid. But to many people, deaf is dumb.
It’s hard enough to adjust to the slow or rapid death of sound and music and the human voice, but to be considered stupid is more than some of us can bear. Since deafness is an invisible handicap, and we often do not respond, or answer incorrectly, the speaker becomes irritated and thinks we are rude or stupid.
In a supermarket, when a hearing woman is behind me in line and says, “excuse me”, and I don’t move, her first thought is not that I can’t hear, but that I purposely am mean and inconsiderate.
This leads to a complex issue: People see the world through their own experience, which limits their ability to understand life from another person’s point of view.
People who are not hearing impaired have difficulty adjusting to deafness because it makes them feel foolish. They are uncomfortable repeating, rephrasing, and speaking slowly. It’s as if they are doing something wrong. As if they are the “problem.”
They would rather be seen as the “solution”—the one who helps the blind person cross the street. When they help the blind or weak, they see themselves in a positive light. They are performing an act of kindness that others can appreciate.
If, however, they have to repeat what they say several times, they become very self-conscious because in some way the focus has become negative rather than positive.
This is why deafness remains such a chronically mistreated handicap and why late- deafened adults retreat from the world.
A hearing-impaired friend says: “No one can imagine the energy we expend to hear or how we pretend to hear to be accepted as ‘normal’.”
The hearing world also sees lip-reading and hearing aids as solutions to deafness. They are not.
Unfortunately, lip-reading has severe limitations.
Silently mouth the following three words while looking into the mirror: man, bad and pat. You’ll notice they all look alike.
Say the word, “Harry.” You will see the H’s are impossible to lipread.
If these and other similar words are key words in a sentence, it is easy to misread what the person is saying. Unless you are flexible enough to make the changes in your brain quickly (it can’t be “man”, so it must be “pat”), and most people aren’t, the task becomes so draining that almost everyone gives up and withdraws from conversation.
Even the very best lip-reader comprehends only 70% to 75% under optimal conditions.
Poor lighting, lack of lip movement, facial hair, sounds that can’t be lip-read, faces that are turned away from you, rapid-fire conversation in a large group, people who talk with their hands in front of their mouths, heavy accents, talking heads that bob up and down and are visually hard to follow--all this renders lip reading impossible or exceedingly difficult.
Hearing aids are as frustrating as helpful. They amplify everything, not just voices. The blowing of the wind, background conversation, knives and forks clattering on plates, water pouring into a glass, a car’s engine, airplane exhaust—all are extremely loud, unfortunately, louder than speech.
Deaf…certainly, but dumb? Click here for more on Kiril's hearing difficulty.
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This book will transform your life!
